i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
