My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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