My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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