I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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