dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
