Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
