i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
