the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I am spending my child support on dildos
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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