These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
