their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
