the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
