you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
