Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
