Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
