32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
