He asked me if I "almost moaned"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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