I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
