i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
