his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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