oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
