I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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