oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
