I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
