Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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