Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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