He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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