She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
