Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
