i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize