um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
