The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
