Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
