Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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