I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
