even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
