I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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