I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
