My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
