I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i came on her dog
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
