Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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