My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
