PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
