I am in a vortex of obligation.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
