I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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