You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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