I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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