I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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