And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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