how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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