i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
