Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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