Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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