there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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