We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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