The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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