then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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