i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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