Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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