If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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