you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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