apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
