i permit you to call me
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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