All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
