it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
