New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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