You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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