This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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