Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
