We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
