he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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