I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize