I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
