I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
