i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
