A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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