Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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