no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
