Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
