I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
