like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize