The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
