you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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