I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
