I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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