I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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