I cut my penus on the lid.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
