i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
